TOMMY STEELE LYRICS

It would be an impossible task to print the lyrics to every song written or recorded by the legendary songmeister, so we will attempt to list a few of his earliest songs.

FROM The Tommy Steele Story:

A HANDFUL OF SONGS

I’ve got a handful of songs to sing you

Can’t stop my voice when it longs to sing you

New songs and blue songs and songs that bring you

Happiness, no more, no less

Moreover, wherever we may roam to

Or any shore where we may be blown to

We’ll know that we’re gonna feel at home to

La Bella Musica

Jazz and Cha-Cha-Cha,

Calypso and street vendor cries.

Strains of old refrains,

Sleepy time baby lullabies

I’ve of a handful of songs to sing you

I’ve got a heart full of love to bring you

True love for you love

And love’s a thing you keep.

So here’s a handful of songs

Going cheap

Just a handful of songs

Just a handful of songs

Only a handful of songs

WILL IT BE YOU?

Will it be you?

Who I’ll be giving my love to?

You who make me say I’ll always be true

To one love, Will it be you?

I don’t know why,

Why I wonder if you’re willing to try,

Why I know that I’d be willing to die

For one love. Will it be you?

I know your smile is the smile

That’s my ideal.

Your eyes are the only eyes I see.

They seem to tell me why I feel

That you might be the only girl for me.

I wonder…Will it be you?

You, who’s wearing something old,

Something new?

You, in something borrowed or blue?

My true love, Will it be you?

I wonder who…Will it be you?

TAKE ME BACK BABY

What have I done to make you blue?

I’ll be a good boy if only you

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

I won’t be bad no more.

Won’t stay out, I won’t tell lies,

Give us a smile and wipe your eyes.

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

I won’t be bad no more

When I’m back, I’m back to stay

Nevermore to run away,

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

I won’t be bad no more

I’ll bring you flow’rs and other things

I’ll bring you what a lover brings

Finest jewels, the finest rings,

I’ll be an angel minus wings.

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

Take me back, Baby

I won’t be bad no more.

TIME TO KILL

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock Tick, Tock

Time to kill, round about a million hours to fill.

Got a certain date at eight. That’s half a day to wait.

Time to kill.

What to do? Till the moment I look forward to.

Walk the pavements all alone,

Miss the cracks in every stone.

Time to kill.

Everywhere I see the time staring down at me.

Will it never be the time that I long to see?

Fast clocks, Slow clocks, Go clocks, Go clocks

Time to kill.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, time, time,

Endless time to kill.

I’m on the move and time is standing still.

Can’t think of one more thing to do.

What did Rip Van Winkle do with

Time to kill?

Soon comes a time I won’t care what you say,

Hurry, hurry, I can’t wait

Till I make that date at eight.

Time to kill. Time to kill. Time to kill.

WATER, WATER

Water, water, ev’rywhere and not a drop to drink

So tell me now

What else can a poor fellow do

But sit right down and think?

Think about his girl, think about the times we had

Together, boy

On Friday we’d paint the town

But now she ain’t around. There’s only….

Think about some tea, even if I wanted to be

A tee-totaller

It’s only salty sea between a drink and me

It’s drives you mad…..

Think about roast beef, think about some fish and chips

In newspapers

These galley meals are OK, but sausage ev’ry day.

Is as bad as….

Think about those girls, in the pinup photographs

Around the bunk.

They’re standing within arm’s reach,

And ev’ry one a peach.

It’s just like…..

TWO EYES

Two eyes in the corner. Two eyes, looking at me.

Don’t hide in the corner.

Bring those two eyes closer, closer.

Two arms want to hold you. Two lips want to kiss kiss

Quick, before the moment dies,

Say, “yes”. Please. Two eyes.

Tantalizing. Hypnotizing, looking through me,

Speaking to me.

Fascinating. Captivating peepers keeping me waiting.

Dig those blinkers, dig those winkers

Such expression, this impression

That you’re making, got me shaking.

I’m yours for the taking.

“Yes”, please. Two eyes!

BUILD UP

Great! Real great! Fabulous! More than most.

I want you to know that I really go for you.

Cool! Real cool! You send me. Out of this world.

I want you to know that I really go for you.

Knock! Knock, knock!

Who’s that there? Open the door!

I want you to know that I really go for you.

This is no build up. This is no build up.

My book is filled up, and every word is true, true, true

This is no build up. This is no build up.

I get so grilled up over you, you, you.

I LIKE

I like! Do you like? I like! Do you like?

Piano roll those iv’ry slats, Feed that music to the cats

Man, to hear that upright speak,

You’d never know his mother was a real antique. Well!

Bass and drum go rum-ti-tum, Blow those old cobwebs away.

Don’t stay home all on your own.

Give me a call on the saxophone. Well!

Hear that drum go rum-ti-tum, tho it don’t appeal to some.

Hear that bass go plink-a-plunk,

You never would have guessed it was a pile of junk . Well!

I like! Do you like? I like! Do you like?

I like! Do you like? I like! Do you like?

YOU GOTTA GO

Some folks get kicks cutting a rug. Some folks like to spit in a jug.

Some folks stay home in snug, but not me.

I’ve got the traveling bug, and….

This guy takes chick to a dance. This might start a future romance.

But this romance ain’t getting a chance,

‘cos suddenly he gets ants in his pants, and….

Been to Spain and Timbuctoo. Been to Maine and Kalamazoo

Going again, and when I’m through,

There’ll be some cute baby traveling, too. ‘cos…

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Something down below comes right up and tells you so.

One thing that I know,

When you gotta go, you gotta go, go, go!

CANNIBAL POT

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. Who’s cooking?

It’s gonna be hot in the Cannibal pot tonight.

We’ve not got a lot, so be on the spot tonight.

Din-Din! Tum-Tum! Chin-Chin! Yum-Yum!

It’s gonna be hot in the cannibal pot tonight.

The guy who worked the mincer, you remember Chinese Louie?

One day he went to pieces. Poor Louie! Chop Suey!

The Turk who used to work here; used to work behind the slab.

He ain’t behind the slab no more. So grab some shish-ke-bab.

Remember MacNamara? Used to make a hulabalou?

It’s quiet around the place these days. Do you like Irish Stew?

FROM: THE DUKE WORE JEANS

IT’S ALL HAPPENING

Oh, look! It’s all happening! It’s all happening!

I heard them say they’re giving it away for free.

Oh, look! It’s all happening! It’s all happening!

And if you don’t believe me, take a look and see.

There’s loving in the air, like the whole wide world don’t care.

You can feel it stealing in upon the summer breeze.

And if you climb up any tree, then it’s a sure thing to see

That well-known mystery the birds and bees.

Mama’s busy in the nest, Papa’s puffing out his chest.

‘Cause she’s hatched brood that’s put him in a mood to sing.

And there’s worm down here who wishes

Good appetite to the fishes

‘Cause she knows she looks delicious in the spring.

I’m in love ev’rything. So excuse me if I sing.

It’s the kind of day when nothing’s in the way of joy.

‘Cause there’s a million couples mating,

And papa soon will be waiting

So’s to hear somebody stating “It’s boy!”

WHAT DO YOU DO?

What do you do when you’re invited

Out to the joint where guys get knighted?

Raise your hat and say that you’re delighted.

Yes, but, tell me…

What do you do when noses stick up,

‘Cos you don’t know which knife to pick up?

Look around you and politely hic-cough.

Yes, but….I know

Champaign, tea and caviar need to be approached with etiquette.

Very well then, Campaign for a samovar

Get the better of the better set! Cor Blimey!

What do you do when debutanties

Take you to tea to meet their aunties?

You’re as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.

What do you do?

What do you do with no school tie on?

No oxford accent to rely on?

Sing a verse or two of “Any Old Iron”!

Yes, but, tell me…

What do you do when you go places?

What you wear when at the races?

S’pose I’ll have to use me father’s braces?

Yes, but, I know…

Fish and chips and jellied eels is a diet I don’t understand.

Oh, how I wish you knew just how it feels,

Eating a banana down the Strand! Oh, matey!

What do you do when clubs refuse you?

Can’t even get your name in Who’s Who?

You’re as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.

What do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

HAPPY GUITAR

You take a pick, find a string, take it quick, make it swing,

Play a run, Strike a chord. Having fun? Having fun?

Happy guitar, play it for me.

Happy guitar, play that melody.

I wanna hear that chun-ka-chun-ka whom, ching.

Chun-ka-chun-ka whom ching chah!

From my happy guitar!

When I’m blue she makes me grin,

Stays by me through thick and thin,

Yes, where I go she strings along,

That’s why I sing this song….Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

Lazy feet can’t stay that way, not when this tune begins to play

So clap your hands and feel the beat.

That’s coming from that “geet”. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

PHOTOGRAPH

Photograph my baby, Will she laugh? She’s smiling now.

Photographing her is quite a task.

Photograph my baby, try to capture what she’s got.

Just a shot, that’s not a lot to ask.

Here comes the bride, bring your cameras.

I want her picture close to me when I’m feeling amorous

Photograph my baby, comes the day when maybe I’ll be with her

On that photograph!

Photograph my baby, comes a day when I’ll be with her

On that extra special photograph!

HAIR DOWN, HOE-DOWN

You’ve gotta let your hair down everybody,

if you wanna have a time.

You gotta let your hair down everybody ‘cos I’m warning you

that I’m gonna let my hair down.

Everybody’s gotta let it down.

Hair down everybody, hair down everybody,

Hair down everybody, hair down everybody,

Hair down everybody, hair down.

Everybody come to the hair down hoe-down.

Who’s that in the corner? What’s it all about?

Never been known to pick a little wallflower

‘fore it’s blossomed out, you’ve gotta let your…

Man, this ain’t no Foxtrot! Nor a Minuet!

Babe in the middle knows what she’s got

And you cannot go get, till you let your…

Party’s really swinging. I can see it move.

We’re all moving out-a that rut,

And into that well-known groove, you’ve gotta…

PRINCESS

Princess, if you love me I’m your Prince.

Saw you, and I’ve loved you ever since.

Found you, with crowd around you.

Broke the ties that bound you.

Stood my ground, and now I’ve crowned you

Princess, tho’ there’s nothing in a name.

Others would have sounded pretty tame.

If you were poorer, I could be no more surer.

That you’re a Princess,

May I call you “Princess”?

If you say you love me. I’m your Prince.

THANKS A LOT

Thanks a lot I’ve had a ball!

And I love you one and all.

You’ve been great and I’ll be proud to say

Whatever may befall,

Each of you have left a part

Of yourselves inside my heart.

And I know somehow if it all ended now,

I’d say, “Thanks a lot, I’ve had a ball!”

FAMILY TREE

My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great

Grandfather came over with a conqueror name of Bill.

He pinched bow and arrow from an arrow seller’s barrow.

Shot Harold in the eye on Hastings Hill,

In the eye on Hastings Hill.

What a guy! If looks could kill!

My great, great, great, great, great. great, great,

Grandfather enlisted with a fellow named Robin Hood.

The knights were off crusading,

while for maidens he went raiding

all the castles in the Sherwood neighborhood.

On a raid, he snatched a maid,

And I’m afraid the maiden stayed! O-O-O-

Our Family Tree is a bit of a mystery.

The roots are pretty shaky, and the leaves are turning brown

But nobody had the nerve to cut it down!

My great, great, great, great, great, great,

Grandfather was bowling with his mate Sir Frances Drake.

They shouted “Armada” so he started bowling harder.

He was in the middle of a winning break.

Couldn’t spoil his winning break.

Tho’ the country was at stake!

My great, great, great, great, great,

Grandfather took Nell Gwynn on the bounce

From Charles the First.

And to this day, they tell us,

There’s a pile down in the cellars

Of oranges to quench the family thirst.

What a vice! The family thirst!

Wait for it, you ain’t heard the worst! O-O-O

My great, great, great, great,

Grandfather, the less we say about him, the better!

My great, great Grandfather ran off with the Duchess’ maid

The day he met her.

They had a son. The only one, although they wanted three

As nutty as the fruitcake they had for Sunday tea

And he turned out to be my great Grandfather

Whose picture hangs on the fam’ly wall

Keeps looking down, a shocking frown,

As if to say nothing out of the way ever happened at all.

FROM TOMMY THE TOREADOR

LITTLE WHITE BULL

Once upon a time there was a little white bull

Very sad because he was a little white bull

All the black bulls called him a coward just ‘cos he was white

Only black bulls go to the bullring, only black bulls fight

When he asked his mama if a little white bull

Ever had a chance of turning black,

His mama said, “You silly little bull, you’re a pretty little bull,

You’re my little bull. So please don’t ask me why little bull

You just ain’t black.”

But this did not satisfy the little white bull.

He was an exception to the little white rule.

Everyday, alone in the meadow, he’d find things to charge,

‘Til one day he really imagined that his horns were large.

Bold as brass right there and then the little white bull

Quickly found the nearest road to town,

And the people said, “What a funny little bull

What a fluffy little bull! He’s our little bull”

He marched along like a proud little bull and hit the town.

It was the day of the bullfight.

All the town was there.

Waiting to see the famous Matador.

Trumpets sounded a fanfare, Tan-ta-ta-ran-tan-ta!

Out from the throats of the crowd came a mighty roar!

Into the ring to the shout of a great “Ole!”

Came the parade all prepared for a mighty fray!

Matadors, and picadors, and toreadors…..

And who do you think as well…

Trotting right behind them came the little white bull.

How they laughed out loud to see the little white bull

Trotting ‘round the giant arena with his head up high,

‘Til the Matador in the centre caught his tiny eye.

Charging right up to him went the little white bull,

Charging twice, and charging once again.

The Matador cried, “To-ro! Little bull.

You’re not a little bull. You’re a brave little bull!

The best in Spain”

Then the crowd all shouted, “To-ro! Little bull!

You’re not a little bull. You’re a brave little bull.

You’re going to be a great little bull. The best in Spain!”

So if you’ve got a little bull that’s a white little bull,

It’s quite possible that it might be the bull

That’s the best in Spain!

AMANDA

Amanda, beneath your window I’m going to sing to you

A serenade

Amanda, don’t leave your window until you’ve listened to

My serenade.

My darling, oh how I love you

And how I hope you understand

I’ll always be thinking of you.

Just say you’ll love me!

And Amanda, You won’t be sorry

You heard my serenade, Amanda mine.

Amanda mine, Amanda mine, Amanda mine.

SINGING TIME

Found the baby to spark a little fire.

Soon the temperature will be getting higher.

Form an orchestra, hire a little choir.

It’s singing time.

When you build a choir, let me put you wise,

Get eleven girls, and eleven guys.

Make it easy for them to harmonize.

It’s singing time!

Get your baby’s hands clapping to the beat.

Smiling at you and tapping with her feet.

Both of you will find happiness complete.

At singing time.

Singing time! Found your lover?

Happy brother? Bubbling over!

Singing time, Crazy news.

Lose the blues that you were troubling over.

Any moment now you’ll be singing, too.

Teach your baby to sing along with you.

If she loves you she’ll come in on cue.

It’s singing time, singing time, singing time.

TOMMY THE TOREADOR

Took a freighter to Spain. Met up with a bull fighter.

He soon taught me the score.

Now my claim to fame is the crazy name Tommy, the Toreador!

No bullfighter in Spain sees a bull and turns whiter.

Please don’t leave me ashore!

Kids that follow me keep on calling me Tommy. The Toreador

I’ve got a sword, I’ve got a cloak,

But when the bull is coming at you, it’s no joke!

I would notify Spain, Find another bullfighter.

But the ladies adore throwing roses to, growing closer to

Tommy. The Toreador.

I’m not scooting while Cupid’s rooting for

Tommy, the Toreador.

WHERE’S THE BIRDIE?

Where’s the birdie? We’re looking for the birdie.

But the birdie ain’t nowhere to be found.

We’re looking for it here, we’re looking for it there

We’re looking for that birdie everywhere. So tell us,

Where’s the birdie? We’re looking for the birdie.

But the birdie ain’t around.

In those fancy ballet tights, I’d look quite a sight.

I imagine me with combinations on.

But when it’s for art’s sake and when you’re in Swan Lake

You must lose your inhibitions, take positions,

You’re a swan! “Watch the birdie.”

In the third round I did well, then ding! went the bell.

Then someone shouted “Seconds out the ring”

I’m up upon my toes. Then down upon me nose,

Then I heard cuckoo “cuckoo” and it wasn’t even spring.

For “To be or not to be”, for publicity,

I’d even play in Shakespeare at the “Vic”

Oh. Fate, where is thy spur? You might be made a “Sir”

And be photoed in your garter double quick!

TAKE A RIDE

Say won’t you take a ride? There’s lots of room inside.

Come on and take a ride with me.

We’re off I don’t know where. Keep going, I don’t care.

‘Cos when we get there, then we’ll see.

We may arrive to find a great paradise,

Or will it be a carousel?

Some gay fiesta, or a grand masquerade.

Well, crack the whip and ring the bell!

Come on, and join the fun, shake hands with everyone.

The highway isn’t even wide.

Around the corner there’ll be new things to view.

So take a ride with me, I’ll take a ride with you.

Dancing in the streets, children singing sweet.

Lots of things to eat. That’s Fiesta!

People stop and stare, No one seems to care.

Laughter in the air, That’s Fiesta!

We know we’re gong where vino is flowing

Amigo is throwing a ball!

Senorita, hi! Senorita, hey!

Now I’ve caught your eye, don’t you go away.

There’s a party here, only once a year.

I may be here today, I go away manyana.

Dancing in the streets, children singing sweet.

Lots of things to eat. That’s Fiesta!

People stop and stare, no one seems to care.

Laughter in the air. That’s Fiesta!

OLDIES

DOOMSDAY ROCK

The first day there’ll be lightning. The second there’ll be hail.

The third daybreak there’ll be a big earthquake.

So brother, forward your mail.

The fourth day there’ll be darkness. The last time the sun has shone

The fifth day you’ll wake up and say, “The world’s real gone!”

Rock n’ roll you sinners. Sing to save your soul.

There ain’t no room for beginners when the world is rock n’ roll

Rock n’ roll, you sinners, sing to be alive.

There ain’t no room for beginners when the world starts to jive.

If you’re an angel, you’d better lay low.

You’ll end up in a square halo.

If you’re a singer and you gotta string along,

Hit me, Daddy, with a three point prong.

Rock, sinners, rock. Roll, sinners, roll.

Rock-a-hoo-la-roll-a-hoo-la-roll-a hoo-la-rock

ROCK AROUND TOWN

I was in London just a short time ago,

I said to my friend, “Your car’s too slow”

He turned ‘round to me and said,

“If you want a fuss, go take a ride on a downtown bus.”

And, Rock, rock, rock around the town.

Rock, rock, rock around the town.

Roll, roll, roll around the town

Rock, rock, rock around the town

Ev’rybody’s doing it! London Bridge is falling down.

Got in a monster, it was painted red.

A guy in blue turned to me and said,

His words were followed by quite a stare

I said, “What d’you want?”

He said, “I want your fare.”

We went around through half the night,

And I say we saw every sight.

When we came back and walked around,

Well, what’you know, we’re back in London Town.

REBEL ROCK

You gotta rebel rock, yes, you gotta rebel rock,

Yes, you gotta rebel rock. Well, you gotta rebel rock.

Let your feelings show. Go, cat, go!

If they say you gotta do it, don’t.

Say you gotta do it, don’t

If you don’t wanna do it, don’t.

Say your gonna do it, don’t.

When you’re at home, and your life’s your own

If they’re gonna ask you nice,

If they’re gonna ask you nice,

Make them have to ask you twice.

Make the have to ask you twice.

Have a heart of ice, when you’re at home.

If they gotta ask you twice,

If they gotta ask you twice,

Well, they’re not gonna ask you nice.

They’re not gonna ask you nice.

When you’re at home, your life’s your own.

Well are you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho

Are you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho

Are you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho

Are you ready rebel Oh,ho

When you’re at home, your life’s your own.

BUTTERFINGERS

Butterfingers, I let you go.

But love still lingers, why I don’t know.

For that short moment you were with me

I never knew your worth.

Tho’ I lost you, please forgive me,

Now I’ve come down to earth.

Butterfingers is waiting for

Something to bring us together once more.

And when that happens, I’m gonna hold you in my loving arms and then

I won’t be butterfingers again.

TEENAGE PARTY

Gonna have a teenage party, we’re gonna have a teenage time

We’re gonna make it high and hearty. If you’re ready, that’s fine

Really rock and jump together.

Really take the floor together.

Really have a time together.

Whether you’re ready or not!

Walk down a teenage passage, open up a teenage door.

Soon you’ll get the teenage message, Rockin’ thru the floor.

Take a note, unquote, take a line, that’s fine.

From the top, full stop.

Gonna have a teenage party. Gonna have a teenage raid.

We’re gonna make it high and hearty.

Just think of the sleep you’ll save.

From HALF A SIXPENCE

HALF A SIXPENCE

Half a sixpence is better than half a penny,

Is better than half a farthing, is better than none.

It’s a token of our eternal love.

When you’re far away, touch it everyday.

And though that half a sixpence can only mean half a romance

Remember that half a romance is better than none.

But when I’m with you, One and one make two,

And likewise two half sixpence joined together make one.

THIS IS MY WORLD

This is my world, a world of splendor,

Swanky and rich and fine.

This is my world, I won’t surrender

Now that I’ve made it mine.

A world that is full of wonderful things

Dukes and their Duchesses, nobles and kings.

I’ll be a king for more than one day

Whatever they say, I’ll keep it that way.

This is the world that I was meant for,

This is the world for me.

I wouldn’t give a blooming cent for

Life as it used to be.

For now that I’m tasting the pleasures of life,

Even a fool can see

That this is my world, this is my world.

This is my world and this is the life for me.

MONEY TO BURN

If I had money to burn – a hole in my pocket

If I had money to burn – I’d go like a rocket

Down to the town without a stop, blow right into the music shop

And buy me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga

Buy me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga

Buy me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga,

That’s what I would do!

If I had all that money could buy

If I had all that money could buy

If I had all that money could buy

I’d buy me a banjo, ring dong, clatter, janga, ringa, danga

Play on the banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga

Night and day on the banjo, clatter, janga..ringa. janga

That’s what I would do!

FLASH, BANG, WALLOP

All lined up in a wedding group, here we are for a photograph

All dressed up in a morning suit, we’re all trying not to laugh

Since the early caveman in his fur took a trip to Gretna Green,

There’s always been a photographer to record the happy scene.

Hold it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture

Click, what a picture, what a photograph.

Poor old soul, Blimey, what a joke,

Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke.

Clap hands, stamp your feet, bang it on the big bass drum.

What a picture, what a picture, rum-tiddy-um-pum-pum-pum-pum

Stick it in the family album!

The same thing happened long ago when man was in his prime

And what went on we only know from the snaps he took at the time

When Adam and Eve in a birthday suit decided to get wed,

As Adam was about to taste the fruit, the man with the camera said

Hold it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,

Click, what a picture, what a photograph.

Poor old Eve, there with nothing on.

Face all red and her fig leaf gone.

Clap your hands…..

King Henry the Eighth had several wives, including Anne Bolyn.

He kept an album of their lives to keep their photos in.

As Anne Bolyn knelt on her knees, dressed in her very best frock,

King Henry said, “Smile, dear, please.” As her head rolled off the block.

Hold it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture.

Click what a picture, what a photograph.

Prints came back in a little while.

She lost her head, but she kept her smile.

Clap….

You’ve read it in a folio, or seen it in a Shakespeare play,

How Juliet fell for Romeo in the merry, merry month of May.

As Romeo climbed the orchard wall to seek his lady fair,

And as he tumbled, Juliet bawled, as he floated through the air,

Hold it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,

Click, what a picture, what a photograph.

Poor old chap, what a night he spent,

Tights all torn and his rapier bent.

Clap….

When Napoleon married Josephine it was just the same to do.

He galloped home from the battle scene all the way from Waterloo

As he came in off his horse, to the boudoir where she sat

She said to him, in French of course,

As he took off his big cocked hat,

Hold it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture.

Click, what a picture, what a photograph.

There she was with her Hussair…….

All caught up in her Ooh-la-la!.

Clap…

IF THE RAIN’S GOT TO FALL

If the rain’s got to fall let it fall on Wednesday, Tuesday,

Monday, any day but Sunday

Sunday’s the day when it’s got to be fine

‘Cause that’s when I’m meeting my girl.

If the rain’s got to fall, let it fall on Maidstone, Oakstone,

Any place but Folkstone

Folkstone’s the place where it’s got to be fine,

‘Cause that’s where I’m meeting my girl.

What could be wetter or damper than to sit on a picnic hamper

Sipping a Sarsparella underneath a leaky umbrella?

If the rain’s got to fall, let it fall on Thursday, Saturday,

Friday, any day but my day

Sunday’s the day when it’s got to be fine

‘Cause that’s when I’m meeting my girl.

SHE’S TOO FAR ABOVE ME

She’s too far above me, by half she is.

She’d laugh, she would, not half. She would.

If I were to say I loved her so,

‘Cause I do. That’s the one thing I know.

She’s too far beyond me to kiss, somehow.

“A kiss?” she’d say. “What’s this?” she’d say.

And go off with her head up in the air.

Yes, she’s too far above me to care,

THEME FROM “Shiralee”

SHIRALEE

Shiralee, Shiralee, Walk with me, walk with me.

With this burden at my side, I wander far and wide.

And through the Outback I have to roam.

But my sorrow she cannot tell; she’s just a little girl,

Who’s lonely like me without a home.

Shiralee, Shiralee, walk with me, walk with me.

Oh how lonely she would be if she wasn’st with me,

But only I can see she’s my Shiralee.

She slept in my arms from the time we did start.

She’s light in my arms but so heavy in my heart.

Shiralee, walk with me,

Ma ma ma ma ma Shiralee, walk with me.

FROM THE HAPPIEST MILLIONAIRE

FORTUOSITY

Well now, ain’t this an elegant neighborhood,

All the residents dressed so fine.

One day off the boat am I with a job that’s nearly mine.

‘Tis a job with an elegant millionaire and his elegant family.

Today I move from immigrant to high society.

Now you may call that luck, and you may call it fortune,

But me, meself, I call it…

Fortuosity, that’s me by-word.

Fortuosity, that’s me twinkle in the eye word.

Sometimes castles fall to the ground,

But that’s where four leaf clovers are found.

Fortuosity, lucky chances.

Fortuitious little happy happen-stances.

I don’t worry ‘cause everywhere I see

That every bit of life is lit by Fotuosity.

Fortuosity, that’s me own word.

Fortuosity, me never feel alone word.

‘Round a corner, under a tree.

Good fortune’s waiting, just wait and see!

Fortuosity, lucky chances.

Fortuitious little happy happen-stances.

I keep smiling ‘cause my philosophy

Is do your best and leave the rest to

Fortuosity!

I’LL ALWAYS BE IRISH

On the night before I sailed away, they come from far and near

All me friends and all me kin to shed a partin’ tear.

We knew we’d never meet again, and yet ‘twas clear to see,

I’d always be a part of them, and them a part of me.

I’ll always be Irish, ‘cause that’s how I began!

I’ll always be Irish, I’ll say that to any man!

And when I’m an American, I’ll be a good one, too.

I’ll be truly as American as Irish Stew.

He’ll be truly as American as Irish Stew.

I’ll always be Irish, a fact I’ll not deny.

I’ll always be Irish, and I’ll hold me head up high.

I’ll wear the green Saint Pattie’s day and yet for all of that,

I’ll be truly as American as Casey at the bat.

He’ll be truly as American as Casey at the bat.

I’ll always be Irish, I’ll shout it good and loud.

I’ll always be Irish, (of his heritage he’s proud)

I’m proud of Irish blarney, and Irish sentiment,

And I’ll bet some day we get an Irish President.

And I’ll bet some day we get an Irish president.

If I went to Paree for the rest of me days

Ate bread and cheese in sidewalk cafes.

Lived in a garret and wore a beret,

What would I be? An Irishman!

If I went to Spain and grew a moustache,

Strummed a guitar, and wore me a sash,

Became a Toreador and fought me a bull,

When they Awarded me both ears and the tail,

What would they say? “Ole! For the Irishman!”

If I went to Tibet and bought me a Yak,

And traveled Siberia ridin’ his back,

The peasants would point at me, what would the say?

“Ooh, yang-a-wik-I-ooh-yang-a-wang-tang-ooh-yang-wik-I-tik-I

Irishman?” Right!

FROM WHERE’S JACK?

BALLAD OF JACK SHEPHERD

Jack Shepherd lived outside the law and led them a merry chase.

Jack Shepherd as the people saw could get out of any place.

And he did do, locked in a prison cell, and in chains as well.

Still he got free.

He lived just like a butterfly and no one could catch the thief.

Jack Shepherd had a wandering eye and girls trembled like a leaf

When he kissed them. They were fun to love.

Only one true love.

His woman told him to stay free.

“The law will find you if you stay with me. Go now, or you’ll swing from the hanging tree.” Said she.

Jack Shepherd should have stayed away,

The law hung him from that tree.

This must have been the final day, but some say he’s still free.

If they hanged him, where did his body go?

You will never know.

FROM HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

THUMBELINA

Thumbelina, Thumbelina, tiny little thing

Thumbelina dance, Thumbelina. Sing.

Oh, Thumbelina, what’s the difference if you’re very small?

When your heart is full of love, you’re nine feet tall.

Though you’re no bigger than my thumb, than my thumb

than my thumb,

Sweet Thumbelina, don’t be glum!

Now, now, now, Ah, ah, ah. Come, come, come.

Though you’re no bigger than my toe, than my toe,

than my toe.

Sweet Thumbelina, keep that glow

And you’ll grow, and you’ll grow, and you’ll grow!

INCH WORM

Two and two are four, four and four are eight,

That’s all you have on your business-like mind.

Two and two are four, four and four are eight.

How can you be so blind?

Inch worm, inch worm, measuring the marigolds,

You and your arithmetic, you’ll probably go far.

Inch worm, inch worm, measuring the marigolds.

Seems to me you’d stop and see how beautiful they are.

WONDERFUL COPENHAGEN

Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen

Friendly old girl of a town.

With her harbor light that she wear’s at night,

Like a golden, golden crown.

Oh wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen

Salty old girl of the sea.

Once I sailed away, now I’m home today,

Singing Copenhagen, Copenhagen

Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen for me.

THE UGLY DUCKLING

There once was an ugly duckling with feathers all stubby and brown

And the other birds in so many words. Said

“*, get out of town. *, get out, *, get out

**. Get out of town.”

And he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack

In a flurry of Eiderdown.

The poor little ugly duckling went wandering far and near,

But at every place the said to his face,

“Now, * get out of here. * get out, * get out,**get out of here.”

All through the winter-time, he hid himself away.

Ashamed to show his face. Afraid of what others might say.

All thru the winter in his lonely clump of weed,

‘Til a flock of swans spied him there and very soon agreed,

“You’re a very fine swan, indeed!”

Swan? Me a swan? Aw, go on!

“You’re a swan! Take a look at yourself in the lake and you’ll see.”

And he looked, and he saw, and he said,

“Why it’s me! I’m a swan! Whee!”

I’m not such an ugly duckling. No feathers all stubby and brown.

For in fact these birds, in so many words, said,

“Tsk, the best in town. Tsk, the best, tsk, the best,

tsk, tsk the best in town.”

Not a quack, not a quack, not a waddle or a quack,

But a glide and a whistle and a snowy white back.

And a head so noble and high!

Say, who’s an ugly duckling? Not I!

ANYWHERE I WANDER

Any where I wander, anywhere I roam,

‘Til I’m in the arms of my darling again,

My heart will find no home.

Anywhere I wander. Anywhere I roam.

Her arms were warm as they welcomed me.

Her eyes were fire bright.

And then I knew that my path must be

Thru the ever haunted night. For…

Her voice was oh such a warm caress

Of love it gently told.

And in her smile was the tenderness

I may never more behold. But…

HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

I’m Hans Christian Andersen. I’ve many a tale to tell.

And though I’m a cobbler, I’d say I tell them rather well.

I’ll mend your shoes and I’ll fix your boots

When I have a moment free, when I’m not otherwise occupied

As a purple duck, or a mountainside, or a quarter after three.

I’m Hans Christian Andersen, that’s me!

I write myself a note each day, and I place it in my hat.

The wind comes by, the hat blows high

But that’s not the end of that!

For ‘round and ‘round the world it goes

And it lands right here behind myself.

I pick it up, and I read the note,

Which is merely to remind myself,

I’m Hans Christian Andersen ….

FROM “SCROOGE, THE MUSICAL”

I HATE PEOPLE

Scavengers and sycophants and flatterers and fools!

Pharisees and parasites and hypocrites and ghouls!

Calculating swindlers! Prevaricating frauds!

Perpetrating evil as they roam the earth in hordes.

Feeding on their fellow men, reaping rich rewards.

Contaminating everything they see.

Corrupting honest men – like me!

I hate people. I hate people.

People are despicable creatures,

Loathsome inexplicable creatures

Good for nothing, kickable creatures

I hate people.

When I see the indolent classes

Sitting on their indolent arses

Gulping ale from indolent glasses.

I hate people.

I detest them, I deplore them.

Fools who have no money spend it, Get in debt then try to end it.

Beg me on their knees- befriend them,

Knowing I have cash to lend them.

Softhearted me. Hardworking me.

Clean living, thrifty, and kind as can be.

Situations like this are of interest to me. Hummm, interest!

I hate People. I loathe people.

I despise and abominate people.

Life is full of cretinous wretches,

Earning what their sweatiness fetches.

Empty minds whose pettiness stretches

Further than I can see.

Little Wonder, I hat people.

And I don’t care if they hate me!

MONEY

Everywhere you look, Everywhere you turn,

Someone’s after every single penny that you earn!

Everyone’s a thief! That is my belief!

Anyone who says they’re not is sure to come to grief.

I seek but I shall never find a deeper peace of mind.

‘Cause I’m convinced that everyone is out to rob me blind!

Accumulating money is the quest of all mankind!

And God forbid that Ebenezer Scrooge be left behind!

There is only one God up in heaven on high.

And I’ll worship His name ‘till the day that I die!

He alone rules the world from a bright golden sky,

And our saviour’s name is M O N E Y.

There is only one pow’r man can never deny,

There is only one force that we dare not defy.

Nothing else on the earth do we all glorify

As our one true master M O N E Y.

Other forms of worship, they come and they go,

And most of them fade in a flash!

‘Cause most of them are mere cant and trash!

The one faith to believe in, where there’s no misconceiving’

No groveling and no grieving is C A S H, Cash!

Rough ‘n’ ready, strong and steady cash!

There is only one cause I can just justify,

To make life here in Cheapside at least worth a try,

And since I’ve no desire to devour humble pie,

I devote my life to M O N E Y

I shall spend my whole life gazing at, admiring and appraising,

That amazing man-made miracle;

There’s nothing it can’t buy!

And that’s the reason why

I’ll save it ‘till I die!

M O N E Y

HAPPINESS

They say happiness is a thing you can’t see,

A thing you can’t touch, I disagree.

Happiness is standing beside me,

I can see her, she can see me.

Happiness is whatever you want it to be.

Happiness is a high hill. Will I find it? Yes, I will.

Happiness is a tall tree. Can I climb it? Watch and see!

They say happiness is the folly of fools,

Pity poor me, one of the fools.

Happiness is smiling upon me,

Walking my way, sharing my day.

Happiness is whatever you want it to be.

Happiness is a bright star. Are we happy? Yes, we are.

Happiness is a clear sky. Give me wings and let me fly.

For happiness if whatever you want it to be.

YOU…YOU

You. You were new to me. You. You were spring.

You. You were true to me. You. You were everything.

You. You were good for me. You were my day.,

Did all you could for me. I let you go away.

And now I can see. Now you’re a dream gone by.

Oh, how could there be such a fool as I?

I must travel on, what hope for me?

Dream where my past has gone, live with a memory.

You. My only hope. You. My only love.

You. You. You.

I LIKE LIFE

I like life. Life likes me.

Life and I fairly fully agree.

Life is fine. Life is good.

‘Specially mine, which is just as it should be.

I like pouring the wine and why not?

Life’s a pleasure that I deny not.

I like life. Here and now.

Life and I made a mutual vow.

‘Till I die, Life and I

We’ll both try to be better somehow.

And if life were a woman, she would be my wife.

Why? Because I like life.

I like life. Life likes me.

I make life a perpetual spree.

Eating food, drinking wine.

Thinking who’d like the privilege to dine me.

I like living the life of pleasure.

Pausing only to take my leisure.

I like songs. I like dance.

I hear music and I’m in a trance.

Tra-la-la, Oom-pah-pah,

Chances are I shall get up and prance.

Where there’s music and laughter

Happiness is rife. Why? Because I like life.

A BETTER LIFE

Do my eyes deceive me? Can my reason lie?

Am I living here and now, or in some life gone by?

Is this world I’m seeing the world I saw before?

Could there be a better life that might have taught me more?

Am I dreaming, or am I awake?

Is my mind just playing games

or showing me a pathway I should take?

Do I just ignore it? Do I break the spell?

Or do I take another look, open up a brand new book,

Try to find a better life, a bigger, brighter, better life?

And could I somehow learn to live it well?

Only time, only time will tell.

Can I find a better life and learn to live it well?

Dare I just ignore it? Dare I break the spell?

Or dare I take another look, open up a brand new book,

Try to find a better life, a bigger, brighter, better life?

And maybe even hope to live it well?

Only time, only time will tell..

There’s still time to get a life,

To find myself a better life,

And learn to live it well.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

On behalf of all the people who have assembled here.

I would merely like to mention, if I may.

That our unanimous attitude is one of lasting gratitude

For what our friend has done for us to day.

And therefore I would simply like to say.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

That’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.

I may sound double Dutch, but my delight is such

I feel as if a losing war’s been won for me.

And if I had a flag I’d hang my flag out.

To add a sort of final victory touch.

But since I left my flag at home, I’ll simply have to say,

Thank you very, very, very much

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

That the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.

It sounds a bit bizarre, but things the way they are,

I feel as if another life’s begun for me.

And if I had a cannon I would fire it,

To add a sort of celebration touch.

But since I left my cannon at home, I’ll simply have to say,

Thank you very, very, very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

That’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.

It isn’t everyday, good fortune comes my way,

I never thought the future would be fun for me.

And if I had a bugle, I would blow it.

To add a sort of how’s your father touch.

But since I left my bugle at home, I’ll simply have to say,

Thank you very, very, very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

That’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.

The future looks all right, In fact it looks so bright,

I feel as if they’re polishing the sun for me.

And if I had a drum I’d have to bang it.

To add a sort of rumty, tumty touch.

But since I left my drum at home, I’ll simply have to say,

Thank you very, very, very much.

Thank you very, very, very much

I’LL BEGIN AGAIN

I’ll begin again. I will build my life.

I will live to know that I’ve fulfilled my life.

I’ll begin today. Throw away the past.

And the future I build will be something that will last.

I’ll begin again. I will change my fate.

I will show the world that it is not too late.

I will never stop, while I still have time,

‘Till I stand at the top of the mountain I must climb.

I will take the time I have left to live,

And I’ll give it all that I have left to give.

I will live my days for my fellow men,

And I’ll live in praise of that moment when

I was able to begin again.

I will start anew. I will make amends.

And I’ll make quite certain that the story ends

on a note of hope, on a strong “Amen!”

And I’ll thank the world and the remember when

I was able to begin again.