TOMMY
STEELE LYRICS
It would be an impossible task to print the lyrics to every song written or recorded by the legendary songmeister, so we will attempt to list a few of his earliest songs.
FROM
The Tommy Steele Story:
I’ve
got a handful of songs to sing you
Can’t
stop my voice when it longs to sing you
New songs and blue songs and songs that
bring you
Happiness, no more, no less
Moreover,
wherever we may roam to
Or
any shore where we may be blown to
We’ll
know that we’re gonna feel at home to
La Bella Musica
Jazz
and Cha-Cha-Cha,
Calypso
and street vendor cries.
Strains
of old refrains,
Sleepy
time baby lullabies
I’ve
of a handful of songs to sing you
I’ve
got a heart full of love to bring you
True
love for you love
And
love’s a thing you keep.
So
here’s a handful of songs
Going cheap
Just
a handful of songs
Just
a handful of songs
Only
a handful of songs
WILL
IT BE YOU?
Will
it be you?
Who
I’ll be giving my love to?
You
who make me say I’ll always be true
To one love, Will it be you?
I
don’t know why,
Why
I wonder if you’re willing to try,
Why
I know that I’d be willing to die
For one love. Will it be you?
I
know your smile is the smile
That’s my ideal.
Your
eyes are the only eyes I see.
They
seem to tell me why I feel
That you might be the only girl for me.
I
wonder…Will it be you?
You,
who’s wearing something old,
Something new?
You,
in something borrowed or blue?
My
true love, Will it be you?
I
wonder who…Will it be you?
What
have I done to make you blue?
I’ll
be a good boy if only you
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
I
won’t be bad no more.
Won’t
stay out, I won’t tell lies,
Give
us a smile and wipe your eyes.
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
I
won’t be bad no more
When
I’m back, I’m back to stay
Nevermore
to run away,
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
I
won’t be bad no more
I’ll
bring you flow’rs and other things
I’ll
bring you what a lover brings
Finest
jewels, the finest rings,
I’ll
be an angel minus wings.
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
Take
me back, Baby
I won’t be bad no more.
Tick,
Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock Tick, Tock
Time
to kill, round about a million hours to fill.
Got
a certain date at eight. That’s half a day to wait.
Time
to kill.
What
to do? Till the moment I look forward to.
Walk
the pavements all alone,
Miss
the cracks in every stone.
Time
to kill.
Everywhere
I see the time staring down at me.
Will
it never be the time that I long to see?
Fast
clocks, Slow clocks, Go clocks, Go clocks
Time
to kill.
Tick,
tock, tick, tock, tick, time, time,
Endless
time to kill.
I’m
on the move and time is standing still.
Can’t
think of one more thing to do.
What
did Rip Van Winkle do with
Time
to kill?
Soon
comes a time I won’t care what you say,
Hurry,
hurry, I can’t wait
Till
I make that date at eight.
Time
to kill. Time to kill. Time to kill.
WATER,
WATER
Water,
water, ev’rywhere and not a drop to drink
So
tell me now
What
else can a poor fellow do
But
sit right down and think?
Think
about his girl, think about the times we had
Together, boy
On
Friday we’d paint the town
But
now she ain’t around. There’s only….
Think
about some tea, even if I wanted to be
A
tee-totaller
It’s
only salty sea between a drink and me
It’s
drives you mad…..
Think
about roast beef, think about some fish and chips
In
newspapers
These
galley meals are OK, but sausage ev’ry day.
Is
as bad as….
Think
about those girls, in the pinup photographs
Around
the bunk.
They’re
standing within arm’s reach,
And
ev’ry one a peach.
It’s
just like…..
TWO
EYES
Two
eyes in the corner. Two eyes, looking
at me.
Don’t
hide in the corner.
Bring
those two eyes closer, closer.
Two
arms want to hold you. Two lips want to
kiss kiss
Quick,
before the moment dies,
Say,
“yes”. Please. Two eyes.
Tantalizing.
Hypnotizing, looking through me,
Speaking
to me.
Fascinating.
Captivating peepers keeping me waiting.
Dig
those blinkers, dig those winkers
Such
expression, this impression
That
you’re making, got me shaking.
I’m
yours for the taking.
“Yes”,
please. Two eyes!
BUILD
UP
Great!
Real great! Fabulous! More than most.
I
want you to know that I really go for you.
Cool!
Real cool! You send me. Out of this world.
I
want you to know that I really go for you.
Knock! Knock, knock!
Who’s
that there? Open the door!
I want you to know that I really go for you.
This
is no build up. This is no build up.
My
book is filled up, and every word is true, true, true
This
is no build up. This is no build up.
I
get so grilled up over you, you, you.
I
LIKE
I
like! Do you like? I like!
Do you like?
Piano
roll those iv’ry slats, Feed that music to the cats
Man,
to hear that upright speak,
You’d
never know his mother was a real antique. Well!
Bass
and drum go rum-ti-tum, Blow those old cobwebs away.
Don’t
stay home all on your own.
Give
me a call on the saxophone. Well!
Hear
that drum go rum-ti-tum, tho it don’t appeal to some.
Hear
that bass go plink-a-plunk,
You
never would have guessed it was a pile of junk . Well!
I
like! Do you like? I like! Do you like?
I
like! Do you like? I like! Do you like?
YOU
GOTTA GO
Some
folks get kicks cutting a rug. Some folks like to spit in a jug.
Some
folks stay home in snug, but not me.
I’ve
got the traveling bug, and….
This
guy takes chick to a dance. This might
start a future romance.
But
this romance ain’t getting a chance,
‘cos
suddenly he gets ants in his pants, and….
Been
to Spain and Timbuctoo. Been to Maine
and Kalamazoo
Going
again, and when I’m through,
There’ll
be some cute baby traveling, too. ‘cos…
When
you gotta go, you gotta go.
Something
down below comes right up and tells you so.
One
thing that I know,
When
you gotta go, you gotta go, go, go!
CANNIBAL
POT
Bubble,
bubble, toil and trouble. Who’s
cooking?
It’s
gonna be hot in the Cannibal pot tonight.
We’ve
not got a lot, so be on the spot tonight.
Din-Din! Tum-Tum!
Chin-Chin! Yum-Yum!
It’s
gonna be hot in the cannibal pot tonight.
The
guy who worked the mincer, you remember Chinese Louie?
One
day he went to pieces. Poor Louie! Chop Suey!
The
Turk who used to work here; used to work behind the slab.
He
ain’t behind the slab no more. So grab some shish-ke-bab.
Remember
MacNamara? Used to make a hulabalou?
It’s
quiet around the place these days. Do
you like Irish Stew?
FROM: THE DUKE WORE JEANS
IT’S
ALL HAPPENING
Oh,
look! It’s all happening! It’s all happening!
I
heard them say they’re giving it away for free.
Oh,
look! It’s all happening! It’s all
happening!
And
if you don’t believe me, take a look and see.
There’s
loving in the air, like the whole wide world don’t care.
You
can feel it stealing in upon the summer breeze.
And
if you climb up any tree, then it’s a sure thing to see
That
well-known mystery the birds and bees.
Mama’s
busy in the nest, Papa’s puffing out his chest.
‘Cause
she’s hatched brood that’s put him in a mood to sing.
And
there’s worm down here who wishes
Good appetite to the fishes
‘Cause
she knows she looks delicious in the spring.
I’m
in love ev’rything. So excuse me if I
sing.
It’s
the kind of day when nothing’s in the way of joy.
‘Cause
there’s a million couples mating,
And
papa soon will be waiting
So’s
to hear somebody stating “It’s boy!”
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
What
do you do when you’re invited
Out to the joint where guys get knighted?
Raise
your hat and say that you’re delighted.
Yes,
but, tell me…
What
do you do when noses stick up,
‘Cos
you don’t know which knife to pick up?
Look
around you and politely hic-cough.
Yes,
but….I know
Champaign,
tea and caviar need to be approached with etiquette.
Very
well then, Campaign for a samovar
Get the better of the better set! Cor Blimey!
What
do you do when debutanties
Take
you to tea to meet their aunties?
You’re
as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.
What
do you do?
What
do you do with no school tie on?
No
oxford accent to rely on?
Sing
a verse or two of “Any Old Iron”!
Yes,
but, tell me…
What
do you do when you go places?
What
you wear when at the races?
S’pose
I’ll have to use me father’s braces?
Yes, but, I know…
Fish
and chips and jellied eels is a diet I don’t understand.
Oh,
how I wish you knew just how it feels,
Eating
a banana down the Strand! Oh, matey!
What
do you do when clubs refuse you?
Can’t
even get your name in Who’s Who?
You’re
as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.
What
do you do? What do you do? What do you do?
HAPPY
GUITAR
You
take a pick, find a string, take it quick, make it swing,
Play
a run, Strike a chord. Having fun? Having fun?
Happy
guitar, play it for me.
Happy
guitar, play that melody.
I
wanna hear that chun-ka-chun-ka whom, ching.
Chun-ka-chun-ka
whom ching chah!
From
my happy guitar!
When
I’m blue she makes me grin,
Stays
by me through thick and thin,
Yes,
where I go she strings along,
That’s
why I sing this song….Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Lazy
feet can’t stay that way, not when this tune begins to play
So
clap your hands and feel the beat.
That’s
coming from that “geet”. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
PHOTOGRAPH
Photograph
my baby, Will she laugh? She’s smiling now.
Photographing
her is quite a task.
Photograph
my baby, try to capture what she’s got.
Just
a shot, that’s not a lot to ask.
Here
comes the bride, bring your cameras.
I
want her picture close to me when I’m feeling amorous
Photograph
my baby, comes the day when maybe I’ll be with her
On that photograph!
Photograph
my baby, comes a day when I’ll be with her
On that extra special photograph!
HAIR
DOWN, HOE-DOWN
You’ve
gotta let your hair down everybody,
if
you wanna have a time.
You
gotta let your hair down everybody ‘cos I’m warning you
that I’m gonna let my hair down.
Everybody’s
gotta let it down.
Hair
down everybody, hair down everybody,
Hair
down everybody, hair down everybody,
Hair
down everybody, hair down.
Everybody
come to the hair down hoe-down.
Who’s
that in the corner? What’s it all about?
Never
been known to pick a little wallflower
‘fore it’s blossomed out, you’ve gotta let
your…
Man,
this ain’t no Foxtrot! Nor a Minuet!
Babe
in the middle knows what she’s got
And you cannot go get, till you let your…
Party’s
really swinging. I can see it move.
We’re
all moving out-a that rut,
And into that well-known groove, you’ve
gotta…
PRINCESS
Princess,
if you love me I’m your Prince.
Saw
you, and I’ve loved you ever since.
Found
you, with crowd around you.
Broke
the ties that bound you.
Stood
my ground, and now I’ve crowned you
Princess,
tho’ there’s nothing in a name.
Others
would have sounded pretty tame.
If
you were poorer, I could be no more surer.
That
you’re a Princess,
May
I call you “Princess”?
If
you say you love me. I’m your Prince.
THANKS
A LOT
Thanks
a lot I’ve had a ball!
And
I love you one and all.
You’ve
been great and I’ll be proud to say
Whatever
may befall,
Each
of you have left a part
Of yourselves inside my heart.
And
I know somehow if it all ended now,
I’d
say, “Thanks a lot, I’ve had a ball!”
FAMILY
TREE
My
great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great
Grandfather came over with a conqueror name
of Bill.
He
pinched bow and arrow from an arrow seller’s barrow.
Shot
Harold in the eye on Hastings Hill,
In
the eye on Hastings Hill.
What
a guy! If looks could kill!
My
great, great, great, great, great. great, great,
Grandfather enlisted with a fellow named
Robin Hood.
The
knights were off crusading,
while for maidens he went raiding
all the castles in the Sherwood neighborhood.
On a
raid, he snatched a maid,
And
I’m afraid the maiden stayed! O-O-O-
Our
Family Tree is a bit of a mystery.
The
roots are pretty shaky, and the leaves are turning brown
But
nobody had the nerve to cut it down!
My
great, great, great, great, great, great,
Grandfather was bowling with his mate Sir
Frances Drake.
They
shouted “Armada” so he started bowling harder.
He
was in the middle of a winning break.
Couldn’t
spoil his winning break.
Tho’
the country was at stake!
My
great, great, great, great, great,
Grandfather took Nell Gwynn on the bounce
From Charles the First.
And
to this day, they tell us,
There’s
a pile down in the cellars
Of
oranges to quench the family thirst.
What
a vice! The family thirst!
Wait
for it, you ain’t heard the worst! O-O-O
My
great, great, great, great,
Grandfather, the less we say about him, the
better!
My
great, great Grandfather ran off with
the Duchess’ maid
The day he met her.
They
had a son. The only one, although they wanted three
As
nutty as the fruitcake they had for Sunday tea
And
he turned out to be my great Grandfather
Whose
picture hangs on the fam’ly wall
Keeps
looking down, a shocking frown,
As
if to say nothing out of the way ever happened at all.
FROM
TOMMY THE TOREADOR
LITTLE
WHITE BULL
Once
upon a time there was a little white bull
Very
sad because he was a little white bull
All
the black bulls called him a coward just ‘cos he was white
Only
black bulls go to the bullring, only black bulls fight
When
he asked his mama if a little white bull
Ever
had a chance of turning black,
His
mama said, “You silly little bull, you’re a pretty little bull,
You’re
my little bull. So please don’t ask me
why little bull
You
just ain’t black.”
But
this did not satisfy the little white bull.
He
was an exception to the little white rule.
Everyday,
alone in the meadow, he’d find things to charge,
‘Til
one day he really imagined that his horns were large.
Bold
as brass right there and then the little white bull
Quickly
found the nearest road to town,
And
the people said, “What a funny little bull
What
a fluffy little bull! He’s our little
bull”
He
marched along like a proud little bull and hit the town.
It
was the day of the bullfight.
All
the town was there.
Waiting
to see the famous Matador.
Trumpets
sounded a fanfare, Tan-ta-ta-ran-tan-ta!
Out
from the throats of the crowd came a mighty roar!
Into
the ring to the shout of a great “Ole!”
Came
the parade all prepared for a mighty fray!
Matadors,
and picadors, and toreadors…..
Trotting
right behind them came the little white bull.
How
they laughed out loud to see the little white bull
Trotting
‘round the giant arena with his head up high,
‘Til
the Matador in the centre caught his tiny eye.
Charging
right up to him went the little white bull,
Charging
twice, and charging once again.
The
Matador cried, “To-ro! Little bull.
You’re
not a little bull. You’re a brave
little bull!
The
best in Spain”
Then
the crowd all shouted, “To-ro! Little bull!
You’re
not a little bull. You’re a brave
little bull.
You’re
going to be a great little bull. The
best in Spain!”
So
if you’ve got a little bull that’s a white little bull,
It’s
quite possible that it might be the bull
That’s
the best in Spain!
AMANDA
Amanda,
beneath your window I’m going to sing to you
A serenade
Amanda,
don’t leave your window until you’ve listened to
My serenade.
My
darling, oh how I love you
And
how I hope you understand
I’ll
always be thinking of you.
Just
say you’ll love me!
And
Amanda, You won’t be sorry
You
heard my serenade, Amanda mine.
Amanda
mine, Amanda mine, Amanda mine.
SINGING
TIME
Found
the baby to spark a little fire.
Soon
the temperature will be getting higher.
Form
an orchestra, hire a little choir.
It’s
singing time.
When
you build a choir, let me put you wise,
Get
eleven girls, and eleven guys.
Make
it easy for them to harmonize.
It’s
singing time!
Get
your baby’s hands clapping to the beat.
Smiling
at you and tapping with her feet.
Both
of you will find happiness complete.
At
singing time.
Singing
time! Found your lover?
Happy
brother? Bubbling over!
Singing
time, Crazy news.
Lose
the blues that you were troubling over.
Any
moment now you’ll be singing, too.
Teach
your baby to sing along with you.
If
she loves you she’ll come in on cue.
It’s
singing time, singing time, singing time.
TOMMY
THE TOREADOR
Took
a freighter to Spain. Met up with a
bull fighter.
He
soon taught me the score.
Now
my claim to fame is the crazy name Tommy, the Toreador!
No
bullfighter in Spain sees a bull and turns whiter.
Please
don’t leave me ashore!
Kids
that follow me keep on calling me Tommy. The Toreador
I’ve
got a sword, I’ve got a cloak,
But
when the bull is coming at you, it’s no joke!
I
would notify Spain, Find another bullfighter.
But
the ladies adore throwing roses to, growing closer to
Tommy.
The Toreador.
I’m
not scooting while Cupid’s rooting for
Tommy,
the Toreador.
WHERE’S
THE BIRDIE?
Where’s
the birdie? We’re looking for the birdie.
But
the birdie ain’t nowhere to be found.
We’re
looking for it here, we’re looking for it there
We’re
looking for that birdie everywhere. So
tell us,
Where’s
the birdie? We’re looking for the
birdie.
But
the birdie ain’t around.
In
those fancy ballet tights, I’d look quite a sight.
I
imagine me with combinations on.
But
when it’s for art’s sake and when you’re in Swan Lake
You
must lose your inhibitions, take positions,
You’re
a swan! “Watch the birdie.”
In
the third round I did well, then ding! went the bell.
Then
someone shouted “Seconds out the ring”
I’m
up upon my toes. Then down upon me nose,
Then
I heard cuckoo “cuckoo” and it wasn’t
even spring.
For
“To be or not to be”, for publicity,
I’d
even play in Shakespeare at the “Vic”
Oh.
Fate, where is thy spur? You might be
made a “Sir”
And
be photoed in your garter double quick!
TAKE
A RIDE
Say
won’t you take a ride? There’s lots of room inside.
Come
on and take a ride with me.
We’re
off I don’t know where. Keep going, I
don’t care.
‘Cos
when we get there, then we’ll see.
We
may arrive to find a great paradise,
Or
will it be a carousel?
Some
gay fiesta, or a grand masquerade.
Well,
crack the whip and ring the bell!
Come
on, and join the fun, shake hands with everyone.
The
highway isn’t even wide.
Around
the corner there’ll be new things to view.
So
take a ride with me, I’ll take a ride with you.
Dancing
in the streets, children singing sweet.
Lots
of things to eat. That’s Fiesta!
People
stop and stare, No one seems to care.
Laughter
in the air, That’s Fiesta!
We
know we’re gong where vino is flowing
Amigo
is throwing a ball!
Senorita,
hi! Senorita, hey!
Now
I’ve caught your eye, don’t you go away.
There’s
a party here, only once a year.
I may
be here today, I go away manyana.
Dancing
in the streets, children singing sweet.
Lots
of things to eat. That’s Fiesta!
People
stop and stare, no one seems to care.
Laughter
in the air. That’s Fiesta!
OLDIES
DOOMSDAY
ROCK
The
first day there’ll be lightning. The
second there’ll be hail.
The
third daybreak there’ll be a big earthquake.
So
brother, forward your mail.
The
fourth day there’ll be darkness. The
last time the sun has shone
The
fifth day you’ll wake up and say, “The world’s real gone!”
Rock
n’ roll you sinners. Sing to save your
soul.
There
ain’t no room for beginners when the world is rock n’ roll
Rock
n’ roll, you sinners, sing to be alive.
There
ain’t no room for beginners when the world starts to jive.
If
you’re an angel, you’d better lay low.
You’ll
end up in a square halo.
If
you’re a singer and you gotta string along,
Hit
me, Daddy, with a three point prong.
Rock,
sinners, rock. Roll, sinners, roll.
Rock-a-hoo-la-roll-a-hoo-la-roll-a
hoo-la-rock
ROCK
AROUND TOWN
I was
in London just a short time ago,
I
said to my friend, “Your car’s too slow”
He
turned ‘round to me and said,
“If
you want a fuss, go take a ride on a downtown bus.”
And,
Rock, rock, rock around the town.
Rock,
rock, rock around the town.
Roll,
roll, roll around the town
Rock,
rock, rock around the town
Ev’rybody’s
doing it! London Bridge is falling
down.
Got
in a monster, it was painted red.
A
guy in blue turned to me and said,
His
words were followed by quite a stare
I
said, “What d’you want?”
He said,
“I want your fare.”
We
went around through half the night,
And
I say we saw every sight.
When
we came back and walked around,
Well,
what’you know, we’re back in London Town.
REBEL
ROCK
You
gotta rebel rock, yes, you gotta rebel rock,
Yes,
you gotta rebel rock. Well, you gotta rebel rock.
Let
your feelings show. Go, cat, go!
If
they say you gotta do it, don’t.
Say
you gotta do it, don’t
If
you don’t wanna do it, don’t.
Say
your gonna do it, don’t.
When
you’re at home, and your life’s your own
If
they’re gonna ask you nice,
If
they’re gonna ask you nice,
Make
them have to ask you twice.
Make
the have to ask you twice.
Have
a heart of ice, when you’re at home.
If
they gotta ask you twice,
If
they gotta ask you twice,
Well,
they’re not gonna ask you nice.
They’re
not gonna ask you nice.
When
you’re at home, your life’s your own.
Well
are you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho
Are
you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho
Are
you ready rebel, Oh,ho,ho
Are
you ready rebel Oh,ho
When
you’re at home, your life’s your own.
BUTTERFINGERS
Butterfingers,
I let you go.
But
love still lingers, why I don’t know.
For
that short moment you were with me
I
never knew your worth.
Tho’
I lost you, please forgive me,
Now
I’ve come down to earth.
Butterfingers
is waiting for
Something
to bring us together once more.
And
when that happens, I’m gonna hold you in my loving arms and then
I
won’t be butterfingers again.
TEENAGE
PARTY
Gonna
have a teenage party, we’re gonna have a teenage time
We’re
gonna make it high and hearty. If you’re
ready, that’s fine
Really
rock and jump together.
Really
take the floor together.
Really
have a time together.
Whether
you’re ready or not!
Walk
down a teenage passage, open up a teenage door.
Soon
you’ll get the teenage message, Rockin’ thru the floor.
Take
a note, unquote, take a line, that’s fine.
From
the top, full stop.
Gonna
have a teenage party. Gonna have a
teenage raid.
We’re
gonna make it high and hearty.
Just
think of the sleep you’ll save.
From
HALF A SIXPENCE
HALF
A SIXPENCE
Half
a sixpence is better than half a penny,
Is
better than half a farthing, is better than none.
It’s
a token of our eternal love.
When
you’re far away, touch it everyday.
And
though that half a sixpence can only mean half a romance
Remember
that half a romance is better than none.
But
when I’m with you, One and one make two,
And
likewise two half sixpence joined together make one.
THIS
IS MY WORLD
This
is my world, a world of splendor,
Swanky
and rich and fine.
This
is my world, I won’t surrender
Now
that I’ve made it mine.
A
world that is full of wonderful things
Dukes
and their Duchesses, nobles and kings.
I’ll
be a king for more than one day
Whatever
they say, I’ll keep it that way.
This
is the world that I was meant for,
This
is the world for me.
I
wouldn’t give a blooming cent for
Life
as it used to be.
For
now that I’m tasting the pleasures of life,
Even
a fool can see
That
this is my world, this is my world.
This
is my world and this is the life for me.
MONEY
TO BURN
If I
had money to burn – a hole in my pocket
If I
had money to burn – I’d go like a rocket
Down
to the town without a stop, blow right into the music shop
And
buy me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga
Buy
me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga
Buy
me a banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga,
That’s
what I would do!
If I
had all that money could buy
If I
had all that money could buy
If I
had all that money could buy
I’d
buy me a banjo, ring dong, clatter, janga, ringa, danga
Play
on the banjo, clatter, janga, ringa, danga
Night
and day on the banjo, clatter, janga..ringa. janga
That’s
what I would do!
FLASH,
BANG, WALLOP
All
lined up in a wedding group, here we are for a photograph
All
dressed up in a morning suit, we’re all trying not to laugh
Since
the early caveman in his fur took a trip to Gretna Green,
There’s
always been a photographer to record the happy scene.
Hold
it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
Click,
what a picture, what a photograph.
Poor
old soul, Blimey, what a joke,
Hat
blown off in a cloud of smoke.
Clap
hands, stamp your feet, bang it on the big bass drum.
What
a picture, what a picture, rum-tiddy-um-pum-pum-pum-pum
Stick
it in the family album!
The
same thing happened long ago when man was in his prime
And
what went on we only know from the snaps he took at the time
When
Adam and Eve in a birthday suit decided to get wed,
As
Adam was about to taste the fruit, the man with the camera said
Hold
it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click,
what a picture, what a photograph.
Poor
old Eve, there with nothing on.
Face
all red and her fig leaf gone.
Clap
your hands…..
King
Henry the Eighth had several wives, including Anne Bolyn.
He
kept an album of their lives to keep their photos in.
As
Anne Bolyn knelt on her knees, dressed in her very best frock,
King
Henry said, “Smile, dear, please.” As her head rolled off the block.
Hold
it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture.
Click
what a picture, what a photograph.
Prints
came back in a little while.
She
lost her head, but she kept her smile.
Clap….
You’ve
read it in a folio, or seen it in a Shakespeare play,
How
Juliet fell for Romeo in the merry, merry month of May.
As
Romeo climbed the orchard wall to seek his lady fair,
And
as he tumbled, Juliet bawled, as he floated through the air,
Hold
it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click,
what a picture, what a photograph.
Poor
old chap, what a night he spent,
Tights
all torn and his rapier bent.
Clap….
When
Napoleon married Josephine it was just the same to do.
He
galloped home from the battle scene all the way from Waterloo
As
he came in off his horse, to the boudoir where she sat
She
said to him, in French of course,
As he
took off his big cocked hat,
Hold
it! Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture.
Click,
what a picture, what a photograph.
There
she was with her Hussair…….
All
caught up in her Ooh-la-la!.
Clap…
IF
THE RAIN’S GOT TO FALL
If
the rain’s got to fall let it fall on Wednesday, Tuesday,
Monday, any day but Sunday
Sunday’s
the day when it’s got to be fine
‘Cause
that’s when I’m meeting my girl.
If
the rain’s got to fall, let it fall on Maidstone, Oakstone,
Any place but Folkstone
Folkstone’s
the place where it’s got to be fine,
‘Cause
that’s where I’m meeting my girl.
What
could be wetter or damper than to sit on a picnic hamper
Sipping
a Sarsparella underneath a leaky umbrella?
If
the rain’s got to fall, let it fall on Thursday, Saturday,
Friday, any day but my day
Sunday’s
the day when it’s got to be fine
‘Cause
that’s when I’m meeting my girl.
SHE’S
TOO FAR ABOVE ME
She’s
too far above me, by half she is.
She’d
laugh, she would, not half. She would.
If I
were to say I loved her so,
‘Cause
I do. That’s the one thing I know.
She’s
too far beyond me to kiss, somehow.
“A
kiss?” she’d say. “What’s this?” she’d
say.
And
go off with her head up in the air.
Yes,
she’s too far above me to care,
THEME
FROM “Shiralee”
SHIRALEE
Shiralee,
Shiralee, Walk with me, walk with me.
With
this burden at my side, I wander far and wide.
And
through the Outback I have to roam.
But
my sorrow she cannot tell; she’s just a little girl,
Who’s
lonely like me without a home.
Shiralee,
Shiralee, walk with me, walk with me.
Oh
how lonely she would be if she wasn’st with me,
But
only I can see she’s my Shiralee.
She
slept in my arms from the time we did start.
She’s
light in my arms but so heavy in my heart.
Shiralee,
walk with me,
Ma
ma ma ma ma Shiralee, walk with me.
FROM
THE HAPPIEST MILLIONAIRE
FORTUOSITY
Well
now, ain’t this an elegant neighborhood,
All
the residents dressed so fine.
One
day off the boat am I with a job that’s nearly mine.
‘Tis
a job with an elegant millionaire and his elegant family.
Today
I move from immigrant to high society.
Now
you may call that luck, and you may call it fortune,
But
me, meself, I call it…
Fortuosity,
that’s me by-word.
Fortuosity,
that’s me twinkle in the eye word.
Sometimes
castles fall to the ground,
But
that’s where four leaf clovers are found.
Fortuosity,
lucky chances.
Fortuitious
little happy happen-stances.
I
don’t worry ‘cause everywhere I see
That
every bit of life is lit by Fotuosity.
Fortuosity,
that’s me own word.
Fortuosity,
me never feel alone word.
‘Round
a corner, under a tree.
Good
fortune’s waiting, just wait and see!
Fortuosity,
lucky chances.
Fortuitious
little happy happen-stances.
I
keep smiling ‘cause my philosophy
Is
do your best and leave the rest to
Fortuosity!
I’LL
ALWAYS BE IRISH
On the
night before I sailed away, they come from far and near
All
me friends and all me kin to shed a partin’ tear.
We
knew we’d never meet again, and yet ‘twas clear to see,
I’d
always be a part of them, and them a part of me.
I’ll
always be Irish, ‘cause that’s how I began!
I’ll
always be Irish, I’ll say that to any man!
And
when I’m an American, I’ll be a good one, too.
I’ll
be truly as American as Irish Stew.
He’ll
be truly as American as Irish Stew.
I’ll
always be Irish, a fact I’ll not deny.
I’ll
always be Irish, and I’ll hold me head up high.
I’ll
wear the green Saint Pattie’s day and yet for all of that,
I’ll
be truly as American as Casey at the bat.
He’ll
be truly as American as Casey at the bat.
I’ll
always be Irish, I’ll shout it good and loud.
I’ll
always be Irish, (of his heritage he’s proud)
I’m
proud of Irish blarney, and Irish sentiment,
And
I’ll bet some day we get an Irish President.
And
I’ll bet some day we get an Irish president.
If I
went to Paree for the rest of me days
Ate
bread and cheese in sidewalk cafes.
Lived
in a garret and wore a beret,
What
would I be? An Irishman!
If I
went to Spain and grew a moustache,
Strummed
a guitar, and wore me a sash,
Became
a Toreador and fought me a bull,
When
they Awarded me both ears and the tail,
What
would they say? “Ole! For the
Irishman!”
If I
went to Tibet and bought me a Yak,
And
traveled Siberia ridin’ his back,
The
peasants would point at me, what would the say?
“Ooh,
yang-a-wik-I-ooh-yang-a-wang-tang-ooh-yang-wik-I-tik-I
Irishman?” Right!
FROM
WHERE’S JACK?
BALLAD
OF JACK SHEPHERD
Jack
Shepherd lived outside the law and led them a merry chase.
Jack
Shepherd as the people saw could get out of any place.
And
he did do, locked in a prison cell, and in chains as well.
Still
he got free.
He
lived just like a butterfly and no one could catch the thief.
Jack
Shepherd had a wandering eye and girls trembled like a leaf
When
he kissed them. They were fun to love.
Only
one true love.
His
woman told him to stay free.
“The
law will find you if you stay with me. Go now, or you’ll swing from the hanging
tree.” Said she.
Jack
Shepherd should have stayed away,
The
law hung him from that tree.
This
must have been the final day, but some say he’s still free.
If
they hanged him, where did his body go?
You
will never know.
FROM
HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN
THUMBELINA
Thumbelina,
Thumbelina, tiny little thing
Thumbelina
dance, Thumbelina. Sing.
Oh,
Thumbelina, what’s the difference if you’re very small?
When
your heart is full of love, you’re nine feet tall.
Though
you’re no bigger than my thumb, than my thumb
than my thumb,
Sweet
Thumbelina, don’t be glum!
Now,
now, now, Ah, ah, ah. Come, come, come.
Though
you’re no bigger than my toe, than my toe,
than my toe.
Sweet
Thumbelina, keep that glow
And
you’ll grow, and you’ll grow, and you’ll grow!
INCH
WORM
Two
and two are four, four and four are eight,
That’s
all you have on your business-like mind.
Two
and two are four, four and four are eight.
How
can you be so blind?
Inch
worm, inch worm, measuring the marigolds,
You
and your arithmetic, you’ll probably go far.
Inch
worm, inch worm, measuring the marigolds.
Seems
to me you’d stop and see how beautiful they are.
WONDERFUL
COPENHAGEN
Wonderful,
wonderful Copenhagen
Friendly
old girl of a town.
With
her harbor light that she wear’s at night,
Like
a golden, golden crown.
Oh
wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen
Salty
old girl of the sea.
Once
I sailed away, now I’m home today,
Singing
Copenhagen, Copenhagen
Wonderful,
wonderful Copenhagen for me.
THE
UGLY DUCKLING
There
once was an ugly duckling with feathers all stubby and brown
And
the other birds in so many words. Said
“*,
get out of town. *, get out, *, get out
**.
Get out of town.”
And
he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack
In a flurry of Eiderdown.
The
poor little ugly duckling went wandering far and near,
But
at every place the said to his face,
“Now,
* get out of here. * get out, * get
out,**get out of here.”
All
through the winter-time, he hid himself away.
Ashamed
to show his face. Afraid of what others
might say.
All
thru the winter in his lonely clump of weed,
‘Til
a flock of swans spied him there and very soon agreed,
“You’re
a very fine swan, indeed!”
Swan? Me a swan?
Aw, go on!
“You’re
a swan! Take a look at yourself in the lake and you’ll see.”
And
he looked, and he saw, and he said,
“Why
it’s me! I’m a swan! Whee!”
I’m
not such an ugly duckling. No feathers
all stubby and brown.
For
in fact these birds, in so many words, said,
“Tsk,
the best in town. Tsk, the best, tsk,
the best,
tsk,
tsk the best in town.”
Not
a quack, not a quack, not a waddle or a quack,
But
a glide and a whistle and a snowy white back.
And
a head so noble and high!
Say,
who’s an ugly duckling? Not I!
ANYWHERE
I WANDER
Any
where I wander, anywhere I roam,
‘Til
I’m in the arms of my darling again,
My
heart will find no home.
Anywhere
I wander. Anywhere I roam.
Her
arms were warm as they welcomed me.
Her
eyes were fire bright.
And
then I knew that my path must be
Thru
the ever haunted night. For…
Her
voice was oh such a warm caress
Of
love it gently told.
And
in her smile was the tenderness
I
may never more behold. But…
HANS
CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN
I’m Hans
Christian Andersen. I’ve many a tale to tell.
And
though I’m a cobbler, I’d say I tell them rather well.
I’ll
mend your shoes and I’ll fix your boots
When
I have a moment free, when I’m not otherwise occupied
As a
purple duck, or a mountainside, or a quarter after three.
I’m
Hans Christian Andersen, that’s me!
I
write myself a note each day, and I place it in my hat.
The
wind comes by, the hat blows high
But
that’s not the end of that!
For
‘round and ‘round the world it goes
And
it lands right here behind myself.
I
pick it up, and I read the note,
Which
is merely to remind myself,
I’m
Hans Christian Andersen ….
FROM
“SCROOGE, THE MUSICAL”
I
HATE PEOPLE
Scavengers
and sycophants and flatterers and fools!
Pharisees
and parasites and hypocrites and ghouls!
Calculating
swindlers! Prevaricating frauds!
Perpetrating
evil as they roam the earth in hordes.
Feeding
on their fellow men, reaping rich rewards.
Contaminating
everything they see.
Corrupting
honest men – like me!
I
hate people. I hate people.
People
are despicable creatures,
Loathsome
inexplicable creatures
Good
for nothing, kickable creatures
I
hate people.
When
I see the indolent classes
Sitting
on their indolent arses
Gulping
ale from indolent glasses.
I
hate people.
I
detest them, I deplore them.
Fools
who have no money spend it, Get in debt then try to end it.
Beg
me on their knees- befriend them,
Knowing
I have cash to lend them.
Softhearted
me. Hardworking me.
Clean
living, thrifty, and kind as can be.
Situations
like this are of interest to me. Hummm,
interest!
I
hate People. I loathe people.
I
despise and abominate people.
Life
is full of cretinous wretches,
Earning
what their sweatiness fetches.
Empty
minds whose pettiness stretches
Further
than I can see.
Little
Wonder, I hat people.
And
I don’t care if they hate me!
MONEY
Everywhere
you look, Everywhere you turn,
Someone’s
after every single penny that you earn!
Everyone’s
a thief! That is my belief!
Anyone
who says they’re not is sure to come to grief.
I
seek but I shall never find a deeper peace of mind.
‘Cause
I’m convinced that everyone is out to rob me blind!
Accumulating
money is the quest of all mankind!
And
God forbid that Ebenezer Scrooge be left behind!
There
is only one God up in heaven on high.
And
I’ll worship His name ‘till the day that I die!
He
alone rules the world from a bright golden sky,
And
our saviour’s name is M O N E Y.
There
is only one pow’r man can never deny,
There
is only one force that we dare not defy.
Nothing
else on the earth do we all glorify
As
our one true master M O N E Y.
Other
forms of worship, they come and they go,
And
most of them fade in a flash!
‘Cause
most of them are mere cant and trash!
The
one faith to believe in, where there’s no misconceiving’
No
groveling and no grieving is C A S H, Cash!
Rough
‘n’ ready, strong and steady cash!
There
is only one cause I can just justify,
To
make life here in Cheapside at least worth a try,
And
since I’ve no desire to devour humble
pie,
I
devote my life to M O N E Y
I
shall spend my whole life gazing at, admiring and appraising,
That
amazing man-made miracle;
There’s
nothing it can’t buy!
And
that’s the reason why
I’ll
save it ‘till I die!
M O
N E Y
HAPPINESS
They
say happiness is a thing you can’t see,
A
thing you can’t touch, I disagree.
Happiness
is standing beside me,
I
can see her, she can see me.
Happiness
is whatever you want it to be.
Happiness
is a high hill. Will I find it? Yes, I will.
Happiness
is a tall tree. Can I climb it? Watch and see!
They
say happiness is the folly of fools,
Pity
poor me, one of the fools.
Happiness
is smiling upon me,
Walking
my way, sharing my day.
Happiness
is whatever you want it to be.
Happiness
is a bright star. Are we happy? Yes, we are.
Happiness
is a clear sky. Give me wings and let
me fly.
For
happiness if whatever you want it to be.
YOU…YOU
You. You were new to me. You.
You were spring.
You. You were true to me. You. You were everything.
You. You were good for me. You were my day.,
Did
all you could for me. I let you go away.
And
now I can see. Now you’re a dream gone
by.
Oh,
how could there be such a fool as I?
I
must travel on, what hope for me?
Dream
where my past has gone, live with a memory.
You. My only hope. You. My only love.
You. You.
You.
I
LIKE LIFE
I
like life. Life likes me.
Life
and I fairly fully agree.
Life
is fine. Life is good.
‘Specially
mine, which is just as it should be.
I
like pouring the wine and why not?
Life’s
a pleasure that I deny not.
I
like life. Here and now.
Life
and I made a mutual vow.
‘Till
I die, Life and I
We’ll
both try to be better somehow.
And
if life were a woman, she would be my wife.
Why? Because I like life.
I
like life. Life likes me.
I
make life a perpetual spree.
Eating
food, drinking wine.
Thinking
who’d like the privilege to dine me.
I
like living the life of pleasure.
Pausing
only to take my leisure.
I
like songs. I like dance.
I
hear music and I’m in a trance.
Tra-la-la,
Oom-pah-pah,
Chances
are I shall get up and prance.
Where
there’s music and laughter
Happiness
is rife. Why? Because I like life.
A
BETTER LIFE
Do
my eyes deceive me? Can my reason lie?
Am I
living here and now, or in some life gone by?
Is
this world I’m seeing the world I saw before?
Could
there be a better life that might have taught me more?
Am I
dreaming, or am I awake?
Is
my mind just playing games
or
showing me a pathway I should take?
Do I
just ignore it? Do I break the spell?
Or
do I take another look, open up a brand new book,
Try
to find a better life, a bigger, brighter, better life?
And
could I somehow learn to live it well?
Only
time, only time will tell.
Can
I find a better life and learn to live it well?
Dare
I just ignore it? Dare I break the
spell?
Or
dare I take another look, open up a brand new book,
Try
to find a better life, a bigger, brighter, better life?
And
maybe even hope to live it well?
Only
time, only time will tell..
There’s
still time to get a life,
To
find myself a better life,
And
learn to live it well.
THANK
YOU VERY MUCH
On
behalf of all the people who have assembled here.
I
would merely like to mention, if I may.
That
our unanimous attitude is one of lasting gratitude
For
what our friend has done for us to day.
And
therefore I would simply like to say.
Thank
you very much. Thank you very much.
That’s
the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.
I
may sound double Dutch, but my delight is such
I
feel as if a losing war’s been won for me.
And
if I had a flag I’d hang my flag out.
To
add a sort of final victory touch.
But
since I left my flag at home, I’ll simply have to say,
Thank
you very, very, very much
Thank
you very much. Thank you very much.
That
the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.
It
sounds a bit bizarre, but things the way they are,
I
feel as if another life’s begun for me.
And
if I had a cannon I would fire it,
To
add a sort of celebration touch.
But
since I left my cannon at home, I’ll simply have to say,
Thank
you very, very, very much.
Thank
you very much. Thank you very much.
That’s
the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.
It
isn’t everyday, good fortune comes my way,
I
never thought the future would be fun for me.
And
if I had a bugle, I would blow it.
To
add a sort of how’s your father touch.
But
since I left my bugle at home, I’ll simply have to say,
Thank
you very, very, very much.
Thank
you very much. Thank you very much.
That’s
the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me.
The
future looks all right, In fact it looks so bright,
I
feel as if they’re polishing the sun for me.
And
if I had a drum I’d have to bang it.
To
add a sort of rumty, tumty touch.
But
since I left my drum at home, I’ll simply have to say,
Thank
you very, very, very much.
Thank
you very, very, very much
I’LL
BEGIN AGAIN
I’ll
begin again. I will build my life.
I
will live to know that I’ve fulfilled my life.
I’ll
begin today. Throw away the past.
And
the future I build will be something that will last.
I’ll
begin again. I will change my fate.
I
will show the world that it is not too late.
I
will never stop, while I still have time,
‘Till
I stand at the top of the mountain I must climb.
I
will take the time I have left to live,
And
I’ll give it all that I have left to give.
I
will live my days for my fellow men,
And
I’ll live in praise of that moment when
I was able to begin again.
I
will start anew. I will make amends.
And
I’ll make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope, on a strong “Amen!”
And
I’ll thank the world and the remember when
I
was able to begin again.